Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
