I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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