My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
