I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my being single is dangerous.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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