I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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