what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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