Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
