he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
