I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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