Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
