i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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