2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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