She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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