I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
