friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize