I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
