It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
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Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
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he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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