I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
