I'm really into asian looking animals
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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