but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
