he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
