Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
