Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize