I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Randomize
