apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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