the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
