Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
