I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
