i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
