About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
