omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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