Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
