i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
