She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
