I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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