when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
