Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Even my vagina gasped.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
