Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
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It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
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Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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