sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Is it because I queefed?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
