just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
