I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
