my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
