i permit you to call me
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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