What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize