He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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