the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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