$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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