Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
