Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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