You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Even my vagina gasped.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize