I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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