mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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