I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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