i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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