Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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