best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
