By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
