i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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