Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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