Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
