Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
