quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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