You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
